Boundaries* by Jennie Miller and Victoria Lambert aims to teach you how to create personal boundaries. It is aimed at people who feel their life is out of control or feel guilty saying no to people whether in their personal or work life. The book has four steps:
- building personal boundaries
- in the workplace
Why I wanted to read it
Through a few courses I’ve done I’ve realised that I’m not good with boundaries. I thought they were something that happened, and I didn’t know they were something you could consciously create, so when I was asked to review a book focused on healthy personal boundaries I said yes. I was keen to expand my knowledge and get tips on forming them.
The key things I’ve learnt from Boundaries by Jennie Miller and Victoria Lambert are:
- boundaries are a decision you take in advance. They help you respond to requests from other people as you already know your position. This proactive decision-making means you are taking care of yourself and your thoughts meaning you’ll be happier.
- others may claim your boundaries are selfish, but they’re not, it is about focusing on your needs first enabling you to then support others
- boundaries are not formed straight away, they are something that needs working on regularly even once they are in place to keep them maintained
- as a parent I can learn a lot from how I want my children to look after themselves such as bed times
What I’ve changed
This book has made me realise that the starting point of boundaries has a lot to do with self awareness, so you consider what personal boundaries you want. This is something I’m still working on, although I’m noticing when my lines are crossed more often. I’m currently having some interesting conversations at work about creating more definition to the edges of my role.
There is a lot of information in this book and I haven’t absorbed all of it yet. There are two ideas I’m planning on reading into more.
- The debating table — where different aspects of you analyse issues
- Moving from the drama triangle to the winner triangle — where situations become win / win for everyone involved.
Should you read Boundaries: How to draw the line in your head, heart and home?
Jennie Miller and Victoria Lambert pack a lot into this book, providing both information on behaviour and advice on how to apply it. I particularly like that it starts by focusing on your own healthy boundaries before moving to other people and situations.
“Setting self-boundaries is not about ignoring the needs of others, it’s about not ignoring yourself.” (Jennie Miller and Victoria Lambert, Boundaries)
This is a book I’m going to reread to fully absorb the information and work on strengthening my boundaries. I recommend it to anyone who wants to build their confidence and self-esteem by setting personal boundaries.
Boundaries by Jennie Miller and Victoria Lambert
Say no without guilt, have better relationships, boost your self esteem
Do you find yourself feeling guilty when saying no to others? Or do you struggle to keep your life under control? If so, Boundaries by Jennie Miller and Victoria Lambert is the book for you. This insightful book will teach you how to create healthy personal boundaries, so you can take control of your life and feel more confident in your decisions.
*Disclaimer — this was a free review copy, all the words are my own. This post may include affiliate links which means if you buy something after clicking on it I may earn some money, but it will not cost you any more.